4 days have passed since my first treatment and I must say it is really hard to describe the way I am feeling in words. The best I could think of is ‘meh’. Reading about Chemo in a book I have been given it says you can get a feeling which can be described as ‘chemo fog’, I’ll buy that! I wasn’t sure I wanted to read the book so gave it to Nathan to read first haha! It’s like a roller coaster of sensations ranging from feeling like you have been poisoned to non stop hiccups in the first couple of days and to indigestion, mainly caused by all the meds I have to take. Mornings are worse to be honest I really am normally a morning person and whilst I am completely out of routine currently, I am not sure I like mornings anymore lol. Once I am up I feel really sluggish and knowing I have a delightful mouthful of pills to take…. well…I’d rather stay in bed….but I can’t because it’s not comfortable once I am awake. Mind you I sleep well and not even waking up like I normally do at some point during the night.

Nathan is a true partner in every sense, he is constantly checking I am ok and asking about how I am feeling constantly. I am so lucky to have found my true love and the one I want to spend my life with. We drove back to Cardiff this weekend and it’s really good to get away and I really love coming home here as well. Here with the one I love and our Bentley too. We had just arrived home and had the pleasure of a visit from Bella and Dave. They were down for the rugby (Wales and Ireland) in Cardiff and popped in for a wee champers on their way. It was great to see them. We won by the way :-), just saying.

Can I just say I have put on almost 5kgs since Christmas and then Italy just topped it off. And now after treatment I am constantly hungry and eating for England and Wales! lol! I am always thinking about food. Will need to manage this one somehow. Think it might be because of the steroids I am on, but those are over tomorrow thankfully. You take them for 5 days following treatment.

Yesterday we sat together looking at all our pictures from our amazing holiday to Florence and wishing we were still there. We really had a wonderful time there, so happy it happened before this treatment of mine started, can’t imagine as the original plan was to have one session then go on holiday. That would have changed everything. We want to go back that’s for sure, it’s an incredible place. Even knowing we have Rome booked for October we are going to revisit Firenze as it will always have special significance for us.

We had a chance to pop in to see Pammy and Keith last week and I guess people don’t know what to expect when they see you. I needed to drop off some arm bands so Pammy could pass them on to Ems and Rach. Such a wonderful couple they are and such a lovely home they have too. They have been married for like 46 years I think and you would still think they are young lovebirds. They thought I looked great, nice to hear all considering. How you look on the outside and how you feel on the inside are two completely different things.

The night before we came back to Cardiff we have a visit from Denis, Jeremy, Frankie and Bernie. It was so great to see them and they were so worried about me guess they wanted to know how I was ‘really’ doing. I am pretty good at keeping up appearances at the best of times but with your friends you can be yourself. We had a lot of laughs and I managed a few little voddies, can’t do what I used to do but at least I can still join in. Laughter is the best medicine always 🙂

Sue and Siobhan have joined my fight as well and sent me a pic with their armbands on, I was very touched by this. As I have always said I wouldn’t be asking anyone to wear one it’s really just something you do if you really want to. My old buddy I used to fly with at Nationair, Alain Melis has managed to get a hold of one too. Alex Evans also sent me a picture with his on too. People really rock at times like this. I will wear mine until this is done and dusted. Posted a few off to Gazza and his partner and to Isabelle.

Had some good chats with Cynthia, Karen, Thora and Una and KJ on FT this weekend, always good to catch up with them and enjoy a laugh. A few calls from Pascale bless her. Lovely messages from Michelle, Fay, Amanda PT, Tommy, Chrissypoo, Norma, Debbie, Diane, James, Jamie Siggs, Lorna, Chelsea, Kerry, Louise B and Colette, such touching words from lovely people. I have never wanted to broadcast my situation to a wide audience but at the same time I don’t mind people finding out, and of course it will become more obvious in the coming weeks.

This afternoon Nathan and I are heading back to Penarth and the Captain’s wife which is one of our favourite places for a Sunday roast. It will always have a feel good vibe there. As much as I would like to hide away I need to get out and do normal things. Every day has to get better, I am just going to continue to think that way. PMA all the way (with the occasional meltdown for good measure).

Tomorrow it will be time to head home and try to throw myself back into routine from Tuesday starting with CT class with my gang and with Rob Hendy (sadly his last class as he is moving on) and then on to work. Work are amazing and I know I am well supported there. Still I want to work and contribute as always, as much as I can. Also craving some workout time with Bernie this week. Will try to normalise this week as much as I can. Peace out!