Talk about mood swings eh? I do my best to stay positive all the time but sometimes you just can’t control your emotions and thought processes. Somehow yesterday evening a dark cloud just crept over me. It could have something to do with starting my injections again, but that’s become more of a routine now. I’m just really sick of being sick if that makes sense. Half way through seemed like a great concept the other day but now I just want it to be over.
I feel like I don’t even know who I am anymore. I miss the old me. The one with all the energy and in the gym most days. I look in the mirror and what do I see? A complete stranger looking back at me, with a dusting of hair, 7 extra kgs and zero sex drive. A lot to take and all at the same time. Nathan must be a saint to put up with me right now because I am not putting up with me right now lol.
Was back to work yesterday and it’s so strange how people look at you or don’t when you have the big ‘C’. One of my girls Serap came in to visit and straight away said I am loving your new look. I was like ok, let me explain something, I did not bring this new look on myself, it’s just what I am having to deal with right now. Bless her and it’s never easy to tell anyone without being blunt. It’s not only what others think about you, it has a lot to do with how we perceive ourselves. And I am not happy with the current view!
Woke up this morning after a shit night’s sleep and thought I don’t really want to get out of bed, nor less leave the house. Thankfully I had a PT session booked with Bernie and I knew that she would push me through it no matter what. It was a hard slog but we did it, sometimes you just have to push on through. Somehow lifting helps. Could easlily just crawl back into bed and turn the lights out today, but we are not going there. Back in for more gym tomorrow, not going to give in to it. Not now, not ever.
Hey a lot of good things going on too so it’s not all doom and gloom. Just having one of those blips. Anxious about the upcoming PET scan too, that doesn’t help. What is meant to be will be. Inshalah.
Thanks to all my friends for being there for me and especially Mr Nathan Pithers. I am of course a very lucky boy.