It’s been 3 weeks since my final chemo session and I think I am starting to realise that I have kicked it’s ass. It’s surreal. I think the news just threw me for one last week and I ended up feeling down and depressed, really depressed as the days progressed. I know thats a bit heavy but it’s the reality in this Cancer game. You end up coming to terms with the fact you are on your own again when your doctor says I’ll see you in 3 months unless you need me before? lol! What no more regular meets? What’s that all about. You feel secure when you have that regular contact. Is this post chemo depression or what? Like I ever want to go through that again. Seriously it’s real, once you realise why you are feeling low, and admit it, understand it, the healing can then begin.

“One step at a time, get out of the darkness and into the light. One step at a time and pick up the pieces and try put them back together, till I’m unbroken.”

Next week on Tuesday I am scheduled to meet Professor George Mikhaeel at Guy’s Private Hospital at London Bridge. He is actually very well credited and referred by Dr Marcus (I googled him of course!) and has oodles of experience in combi therapy cases of chemo followed by radiotherapy. He specialises in radiotherapy with focus on treatment with the least side effects and has been all over Europe sharing his experience with others. Let’s see how we get on, as I do like a bit of chemistry if I am honest lol. Watch this space. Am I gonna be ‘on the radio’ or not? After a few weeks on being behind the camera lens I am ready for anything.

Last week was a bumpy one for Nathan and I, of course mainly due to moi! I really don’t know how he puts up with me sometimes. Once I got to Cardiff last Friday and into his arms all the problems seemed to fade away. I decided it would be nice to have a proper ‘date night’ and asked if he wanted to go out to dinner with me. He thankfully said yes that would be cool. I rarely like going out at the moment as not really feeling super confident but thought WTF. We need to have those times and go to one of our fave restaurants and re-kindle that romance which we are known for and not to mention have a right proper pig out!  I have missed that so much. Who doesn’t like a little romance? I have hardly been date night material for the past few months bless him lol.

Lovely long walks with Bentley too, it really helps to motivate my recovery. We must have walked for over 4 miles on Sunday all around Roath Park, I could feel my energy coming back, even if just a little. Stopped off for ice cream on way back, from this awesome place that sells homemade ice cream from the West Country. I get weak lol! Weather was perfect, sun was shining and Bentley was as happy as. What more can you ask for?

Nathan has a new DIY project which is actually a dining room display cabinet which is to become the new outdoor shed and greenhouse. The vision this guy has, maybe a new career along with his fascination with becoming a traffic warden 😉 I was not in the mood to do anything but watch him tranform this piece of furniture into a work of art. Did I mention my energy was coming back…well not fully haha. He has this incredible talent to create things. Sunday was rounded off nicely with a BBQ as the weather was so good and we even managed to eat dinner al fresco. Can you imagine how excited Bentley was? He even got his own bad ass burger! Great FT catch up with Smithykins too. I really have not been feeling very social and for that I apologise.

Back to work the gym this week trying to get a bit more in while I am feeling it. Even took the cap off and revealed myself, it took guts I tell you! Work is manic this week too and never a dull moment there. So good to be back in the office even though my confidence level is low. Met up with some lovelies in work, Laetitia, Chris the Hammer, Zahra and was good to see Sarah and Hayley too. The usual suspects were in too. The day flew by. Good vibes are on the way back it seems. This week is all about the climb and trying to put myself back together. Looking forward to another weekend in Cardiff with Nathan and Bentley. You really look at priorities when you go through something like this. The people around you supporting you make all the difference. I am grateful that there are soo many.

Love and Light X