I received my results a few weeks ago now with regards to that horrible ‘thing’ on my temple and it’s ……wait for it….an age thing and had the treatment with the dermatologist right there and then. They use liquid nitrogen and freeze that bastard. It made me laugh as Bernie was with me and then once the doctor had said its all good, it’s not cancer, I asked how to go about treatment to get rid of it. Dr Sewell said I thought you might like to have it treated right here and now, so here is the liquid nitrogen I prepared earlier. Love that they know how I like to deal with issues. Painful, yes, but on a positive note it’s only cosmetic!

A few weeks later I return to see Dr Sewell and go figure, it’s completely gone. For those of you interested in this sort of thing its called and Irritated SEBORRHOEIC KERATOSES, that’s a mouthful aka basal cell papillomas. They are benign growths due to a build-up of skin cells. SK are very common, harmless, often pigmented, growths on the skin. In the UK more than half the men and more than a third of women would have at least one SK. By the age of 40, 30% of the population would be affected while at the age of 70 it increases to 75%. They are not infectious and do not become skin cancer. I would have been a lot more relaxed about it, except at the back of your mind, there is the big ‘C’ and all the treatment I had last year. Sometimes I wonder how Nathan puts up with me. ❤

Looking back now at this time last year I look at the images above, and can safely say I don’t recognise the person I was in 2017. It was a hell of a year physically and mentally. What lies ahead, who knows. You can only take one day at a time.

Remember in the last blog I was mentioning about my dear friend Diane. Well, she has a new prosthetic eye called ‘Eileen’ as in Come on Eileen and coincidentally that was my mum’s name too! She has been soldiering on through this horrific ordeal of hers, back to work, handling every day as it comes.  I swear it’s hardly noticeable now to me and many others, but I know she is deeply affected by it. Not just the fact she has lost an eye, but that the possibility of spread is very high.

Last week she received the results she was waiting for and here they are. Some very medical tech talk, but you will get the gist of it.

“Pretty shit news worst combination of cell mix possible.
87 out of 100 cells analysed showed monosomy 3 and 92 our of 100 cells showed a gain of 2-3 copies of 8q24.
Prognosis = Poor

Not a question of if it spreads but when. The average time to spread is 4-5 years but some are much quicker and others longer – prognosis once spread is 6 month – 2 years. The only positive is that I should qualify for any clinical trials but there are none at the moment, only ones after it has spread.”

It’s devastating to receive such news. How would you feel or cope with that kind of prognosis? People just tell you it will be ok, you will be fine, you can fight this, you are a fighter etc. But really people just don’t know how to be when they are around you. They simply don’t know what to say, to be honest. You can be surrounded by people all the time because they want you to feel like you are not alone, but you are actually very alone. People are scared of how you will react to what they will say. I know, it was the same for me last year, except, my prognosis is different, it can actually come back and the first 2 years are normally when it re-appears. I am a realist.

You just want to wrap your arms around her and cry, because that is the most natural way to feel. Meltdowns are going to happen, you can’t not think about the next scan, when will it spread. How will I cope, how will my family and friends cope.

In chatting to her last week she mentioned that she has decided to Opt out of the company pension scheme, and well doesn’t that just become real? Why worry about when you are going to retire when you know you are probably not going to see it. I immediately thought, what am I doing? I don’t know the future either, I don’t have a crystal ball. A day later I had opted out as well. We need the money now, to enjoy life in the present. Somehow that makes a whole lot of sense to me.

What is the saying about ‘On a clear day’ you can see forever and ever. I better get back to my ‘wedmin’ as it’s a lot to keep up with and it’s getting closer every month. Excited, just a little! Eeek!

Until next time, Love and Light X

Mark