Well woke up today feeling very anxious about my appointment with the Haematolgy consultant. Couldn’t face gym today or anything for that fact. Just feels like today will be something out of this world. Denis is going to pick me up and take me there, as I am not sure I could have managed that today. Nathan called me just before I left which really just hits me emotionally in a good way of course, I suspect he is as worried as me as it totally affects us both. I also got loads of messages off peeps and everyone wanting to know how it would go. Easier to write it here than explain to be honest

Got to the hospital and found the ward I needed to attend, it’s really a part of the hospital which looks a bit dire. I go to reception and ask if I am in the right place to be told bear with oh yes new patient. Glad I don’t have a reputation lol. The lady says you need to take a blood test so go take a ticket from the machine but press the top button which is for priority patients. I guess this is something like Fast Track at the airport. Feels like I should be at the butchers or the fish market….now serving no 527! I do as told and sit down with Denis and realise my number is next even thought the room is heaving with people waiting. Yikes my number comes up and in I go, not that I am bothered by a blood test but what they are testing for scares the crap out of me. Have a seat the nurse says, I don’t mind if I do! Then she looks back at me and says you are not on my system, can’t locate you, you will have to see the doctor first….Ok then back out to the waiting area and I let reception know it’s a bit of a ball ache. The doctor will see you shortly. I mean you don’t expect to be seen immediately but all this back and forth is not really what you need when your mind is racing in every different direction.

The nurse comes to get me, lovely lady but looks like she has worked there for decades. Does the old weight blood pressure oxygen levels temperature stuff all good she says, so I am healthy right? Back out to the waiting room and a few minutes later the lovely nurse from last week who I have decided is called ‘Angel’ comes to get and it’s time to meet the doctor who will be taking me on this journey.

Dr Gleb Ivanov. Sounds a bit Russian right and he sure is. Well groomed and well presented. So we begin our relationship and I am already not amused by the first impressions of health care at East Surrey. I just said exactly that too! Not very re-assuring I told him, he said I know it’s shit sometimes. He apologises for the confusion and he then starts to tell me about my cancer, but still not real indication of what we are dealing with until I get this famous PET scan. I like this consultant as he is relaxed and doesn’t talk down to you from a pedestal. He explains to me that the type of cancer i have is rare 2-3 cases a year and all depends on where else it could be, if it is. I really do hope it isn’t as the treatments range from radiotherapy and some medication to intense chemo treatments followed by a stem cell transplant. Fuck thats a lot to take in. The range is drastic and none of it sounds pleasant but I am praying for the lessor evil.

I ask about private health care and the options there and for treatment the doc says it could be an option as some of the treatment drugs are not available on the NHS. I have private health with work but he explained that for this type of ‘C’ it  may be better dealing with the NHS. When is this scan going to take place, in a week or so…let’s request it at the Marsden and Guildford and see what comes back first. When will I start treatment?…all depends it Christmas and everything tends to slow down. I really hope it’s after Christmas just me being selfish. It will be my first time celebrating the holidays with Nathan and his friends and family as well as plans with my own tribe! Chemo for xmas no thanks!

Denis just kept on asking so many questions, like what about the treatment available in Germany…people travel from far to go there, we want all options available! The doc just entertains us with as much information possible. He doesn’t recommend this and strangely I do feel he knows what is best. I just want the best and wherever I need to go I will. This is my life and it’s not even in my hands at this point. So need to think outside the box.

The funniest part of this meeting today was when asked about my alcohol consumption, he said how much I said enough, he asks what is your tipple, I say vodka, he says neat I hope lose the ice, its the best way lol! Never met a Russian that didn’t like a voddie! ha!

The doc says you are young, healthy and fit so thats a good thing. Young! Not! But I accept the compliment haha. Game on! So we will re-convene when the results of the blood tests are back and I have my scan. Felt like I was in the docs for hours.

Headed home with Denis at the wheel and then I thought I need to let Nathan know and then start letting everyone else know that we don’t know any more at this point but there is still hope. Had a big FT with Cynthia and she was so relieved. Will try and update Karen and Pascale Bernie as soon as possible tonight. Tommy boy is comind round and will spend some face time with my boy a wee later on.