I am over whelmed at the response and reactions to my blog. I really think it helps me release some of the stress and anxiety I am currently experiencing. I really feel stressed today, probably because I am truly in limbo. My thought processes are just not the same anymore. What if this? What if that? WTF! Shit get a grip!
Tommy boy came round last night and we had a good catch up, maybe just needed to do something normal like have a drink? He is very special to me, he keeps it real all the time. Had a great chinwag with Nathan last night as well (as every day), he really knows how to keep my spirits up. He started putting up the decs as he is hosting for Christmas day. Really looking forward to our upcoming weekend together in Cardiff, which I have grown very fond of. Love the man love his gaff! He is going to try and fit me in for a haircut and maybe another facial treatment. (Did I mention he is an amazing hair stylist?? haha!) I get well spoiled! Roll on the weekend. Something to look forward to and it can’t come fast enough, I need to be connected to him more now than ever.
Woke up early for the first time since last week and wow, it’s early and headed to the gym for circuits with Rob and the tribe – Bella, Pammy, Alison, Norma and Nicki. Some things don’t change. I don’t know how I would cope without it. We must be slightly crazy right 630 am??
Today was a busy day at our warehouse in Stansted as we were preparing for an upcoming VIP charter (mostly of the last minute kind haha!) Started the journey with Denis and needed to listen to some music that could help balance me out. Faith Hill’s Deep Tracks and wow the lyrics to the songs really touch me with all that is happening. There was really heavy traffic on the M23 and of course there had been a serious accident and everyone was rubber necking as per normal as the accident was on the opposite side. Well you could see as we approached there were like 3 ambulances and they had put up a partition so no one could view the gore of it. Life can change in just a few seconds and bang you are gone. Puts things into perspective really.
Met the boys Scotty and Sean and we just got on with the work. I truy love these boys they are so easy to be with and they get the job done. We always have a good laugh when working together. I am really blessed to have such good people on my team. I decided they needed to know about my news because you want your ‘family’ to know what’s up, otherwise you are tredding on eggshells the whole time. That’s because at any given moment I could have a meltdown, it’s that quick and it just is more powerful than me. I can sit here writing this and tears well up. I am no writer never have been so that fact I am doing so is completely out of character. It’s my therapy.
It’s good to share because I never knew Scotty’s wife had been through something like this too and it is never easy for the other half. You could lose the one you love. She made it through but it was not easy.
I have been trying to let as many of the people close to me know about the journey I am about to embark upon. So many lovely messages of kindness and hope. My cousin Sandy texts to ask, “is this true?” I really wish it wasn’t. Love him just wish we lived closer. Mihaela calls and tells me not to get stressed by the docs! Avoid them at all cost! Love her! Got a lovely voice mail from Yvonne who was in shock. Part of me doesn’t really want to make people sad in any way but this is my reality right now. So hence the blog.
Got messages from KJ, Lorna, Karen, Amanda, Sue, Ollie, Hayley, Chrissypoo, Ross, Marianne, Alison, Loraine, Tony, Martin, Alex, Bernie, Pascale, Jean, Natalie, Kamal, Debbie, Diane, Frankie (she calls and needs the real me – blog not for her haha!) Sophie Brown sent me some lovely words on Insta…you just don’t realise how supported you are until you reach out. People are there for you in times like this, it’s incredible. I appreciate and if I have forgotten to mention anyone, it’s not intentional.
I made a decision yesterday that no matter what the outcome of my upcoming tests I will not start on any treatment until after the holidays. I want this Christmas to be special and I want to have this memory while I am healthy and happy and not to mention madly in love. It’s my first with Nathan and both our friends and family. It means that much to me. It’s not an option. Fuck cancer. There will be Christmas!
Thanks to everyone for your support in person and on here as well. I do encourage you to sign up with your email so you will get the updates as they are published. It might not be a daily thing or anything like that, but as and when I feel the need.