Hey just had the most amazing weekend and really was able to relax and enjoy my time with Nathan in Cardiff. I just feel like when I am there I can escape the reality of what is going on with me right now. It’s a bit like running away except the problem is still very present or at least that’s what they say.

I got totally pampered again on Friday afternoon had my hair cut (love his work!) and then a micro-dermabrasion facial and an algae mask. I swear it took a few years off me, my face looked so stressed and old after that last week or so of being in limbo. Nathan knows what to do when it’s needed. I am sitting in the salon waiting for my turn and watch him do his thing. It’s magical to watch someone so passionate as he is. Just the way he moves fascinates me. One of his colleagues comes over (Chelsea I think) and says Nathan has been showing off his ‘reserved’ ring. So sweet and yes he is reserved! He rocks the ring well. Just represents how I feel and how I have always felt since I met him.

It was great to get out in the fresh air and go for long walks with my boy and the kids. I cannot tell you what a difference that made. Bacon rolls from the farmers market around the corner, a Saturday ritual which I have come to love. I actually was not emotional this weekend, just basking in the fact I felt more like me again and just tried to forget about what was coming up.

Relaxing, dinners at home, drinks and some DVDs. A lot of drinks actually, I fell asleep on the sofa at one point, for an hour and half I am told lol! Don’t like doing that, just don’t want to waste a moment of time with my man. It was bliss I must say. Face Time with Cynthia, Karen and Pascale. Messages from friends. Voicemail from Marianne. Messages with Marchel and Jamie Siggs.

I didn’t sleep much at all Saturday night just kept thinking that this situation was not fair on Nathan, he didn’t ask for any of this. I kept waking up and wondering how I would feel if the shoe were on the other foot so to speak. Silly because I know how I would feel. I watch him sleeping and eventually it’s time to wake up and get some of those cuddles only he can provide, among other things 🙂 Keeping this clean!

It’s Sunday and that means I am going back home later, I hate going home at the best of times, but now it’s even harder. We went for a walk again and then out for lunch at a lovely place called the Juno Lounge. Tapas were fab and the company well I don’t need to tell you. At one point Nathan reaches his had across the table to take mine, it’s such a great feeling being close to the one you love. PDAs, got to love em.

It’s then time to head home and after saying goodbye I hit the road. At one point I felt there was something wrong with my car about 10 miles out and pull over thinking, I don’t really need this right now. It was like a vibration, a tire problem I thought? I got out and checked them all and nothing visible. Back in the car and the rest of the ride home was smooth. I think its just me, not the car! Get a grip Mark.

Got home to find a letter from the consultant I originally saw explaining what had happened and that after my excision it was suggested lymphoma T-cell cancer.Suggested? Really? I love the terminology shit. Do they know anything for sure? More tests required…yes I get that.

FT with Nathan and we laugh about his bonding with his new MacAir book. He is now hands free on FT, haha! My iTunes won’t work he says. You need to authorise it on your Mac I say lol. It’s really cool that he is happy with his new toy. Slowly but surely he will get the hang of it, took me ages when Tommy first introduced me to Mac! You see before I met Nathan he didn’t even have internet at home. After our first few FT dates he had run out of data! I was so frustrated but yes we have come a long way 🙂

Today was great, it started with a hard workout with Bernie at 615! Yes that’s gross it’s early but its exactly what I need. (We always have a good laugh at the same time and I love how she makes me forget about everything for that time we are together). Work was good started off with the Monday management meeting and I just want to feel normal. Catch up with Debbie afterwards. She has a new man in her life and she deserves that.

I get a call from the Royal Marsden and they ask if I am George something, I say no I think you have the wrong number? Are you John something? I finally say this is Mark Hollands-Martel, oh yes she says you have an appointment at 12 tomorrow and you must not eat for 6 hours prior to the PET scan. Only water is allowed. I mean do they even know who they are calling half the time? Do you see what I mean, total chaos and our lives are supposed to be in good hands here.

Roll on tomorrow and let’s just get this over and done with and get some definite answers on what I am up against. Bless Denis as he will be with me tomorrow as always. In sickness and in health, 25 years of friendship. Think we are due for a nother friendship tour in the near future. All prayers and positive vibes accepted.